This past year I have learned a lot about myself. Being bullied as an adult is as bad if not worse as when you're a child. Dealing with a male based industry has taught me many things. I learned that even though a man will profess his undying love and devotion to his mother/wife/girlfriend/ daughter . He is the first one to insult/hurt/offend/ you.  By doing this, if you as a woman, have any issues from your past. This brings you straight back to where you didn't want to be. You have to relive all of those feelings of self doubt, self hate, and being totally consumed by all of the negativity. There is no quick fix for this. There is no pill that will diminish the past demons. As a recovering addict of 20+ years I have to go back into my "recovery toolbox " and get back to the basics. Though it stings a bit. It's nothing I can't handle. Just now I don't want to handle, deal with. or be a part of this behavior anymore. 

I discovered that men and women aren't that much different. 

Men are fake friends, back stabbers, two faced, and more dramatic than any women I know! When a supposed friendship ends. Is when the drama begins. 

Men in this business are so shallow and ego driven they can't see outside themselves. Being treated the way I was treated. I began to understand the one thing that held it all together for me. My face, body, and personality is really no concern to anyone.  I don't need my flaws told to me. I am not blind and can see more harshly than any other person out there. The mirror has never been a good friend and its been a battle to put this all into a healthy perspective for me. 

In a past conversation.  I was told something that I have to fall back on. "Stop expecting more out of people than they do for themselves."  This meant for me, not to give these men power over my emotions as I have in the past. Though it wasn't easy. I did it. This was of course with the help of my husband. Everyone soon learned that you don't verbally attack this man's wife. 

Now that 2013 is behind me I take all I have learned and move on to a new year.